I’ve lost my appetite except for booze. I am reading fanfiction in The Professionals fandom (The Professionals was a television show that aired 1978-1981) and last night I read a zine by Jane of Australia entitled Professionals 2000: Gambit.
This zine is frightening in its prognostication of the future beyond 2000. The details of world events in 2000 are true and accurate and here in 2017 with Brexit, North Korea, Trump, ISIS, the corporations and 2% richest to 98% poverty, the blatant lies and the greed and lack of empathy by the Republican party, the concerted effort to take health care away from the poorest, all the efforts to take away women’s hard won rights in the USA and all the women and children dying world wide in power plays by the USA…it is all this zine forecasted in 2000 and that it would get worse. The dangers of the Web and AI technology and how easy it would be for hackers to destabilize the entire world…this one will give me nightmares. Jane of Australia hit a winner with this one and no one seems to have made a big deal about it when it was published but reading it this far in the future and seeing how much of it has come true in horrifying ways …makes one want to crawl under a rock and hope the end will not be as painful as predicted. Wondering why I am dieting when the world may end at any moment. This zine is packed with the hows of hackers ruining the banks, the stock market and other vulnerable places. The fact that the Russians hacked the US election and no one is doing anything about it. The simplest thing would be to wipe the entire Trump s##t out of existence and do it over and not let the Russians have won in what they did but …one paragraph said it all that resonated to Trump’s current administration like nothing else:
“Social change happens rarely – once in a century – because humans are a naturally feudal species and PARTISAN (democrat/republican), at once willing to blindly follow the one with the courage/power/money to stand up and lead, and then slow to question the divine right of their chose kings/presidents, even when those kings/presidents in paper castles abuse the power ceded willingly to them by their own people.”
We have witnessed over the last ten months, Trump’s abuse of power, his lies, his dismantling of the social support systems to the poorest of the USA people, his blatant refusal to follow the rules of law for people in public service, his nepotism, his hiding the truth, his sleight of hand, his distraction of the media, his outright insanity and the fact that the Republicans are in total power and have allowed this. The television airing of how Nixon extended the Vietnam war deliberately in order to gain the White House for himself and all the American boys that died so he could occupy the oval office. The S&L scandal that made the Bush family richer, the Arabs, who were behind 911, who were safely escorted out of the country (when every other plane was grounded) because they were in bed with the Bush family, the lies that got the USA into the Iraq war to make the friends of the Bush family rich on the deaths of young Americans. How the Republicans made such a fuss over Clinton’s sex life when it had no impact on the lives on the American citizens so they could get in power and actually implement policies that do HURT AND KILL American citizens and no one is doing anything about it. This zine is a template for disaster and I want to drink an entire bottle of whiskey and eat a huge chocolate cake and just throw up my diet forever and say F**K it. I won’t but right now that is my response to reading this after watching what has happened to the world in the last year and seeing my life savings diminish with every word from the mouth of the narcissistic criminal that sits in the oval office and the brain dead Americans that keep him there.
It has been awhile. There are not enough hours in the day. I spend my life worrying that I won’t get to all the things on my bucket list and/or my to do list. Right now the house is getting dusty, I forget to take my pills, I forget people’s birthdays for the first time in 50+ years and all because I am reading fan fiction in The Professionals fandom. Speaking of which I am wishing that one of those wonderful ladies that make fan vids would make a Bodie vid with the song Code of Silence by Billy Joel.
I had to buy a new multi-region DVD player and the one I got said it played all kinds of disks so I dug out my fan made videos and wow it played and I saw Bodie walking and my fan love re-ignited like magic and I found myself on the floor of big closet digging through zines (of which I have at least 400 in the Pros fandom alone). That was back in May. As of today I have read 150 zines and am hooked and engrossed and loving every minute. Nothing else matters. Life is on an even keel, no anxiety or any other problem..except a bit of guilt for everything else going by the wayside. But, I realized that keeping up with the housework every day and all the other minutiae of life is not more important that reading and keeping my mind alive and active and entertained. I am 72, my mother died at 63, my neighbour’s son is dying of cancer at 60, my son’s bosses’ wife is dying of cancer at 52 and why should my last days be wasted sweeping floors…is that what life is about….keeping up appearances for the neighbours or whoever. We waste so many hours doing useless shit over and over and over to no purpose to impress or to alleviate guilt or to obey the witch with a whip in our brains that says we MUST do these things because it is NECESSARY. Bullshit. I live alone, I live tidy, I keep up with necessities but if the book case is covered in dust…fuck it and the horse it etc. I would rather read. I will clean when the impulse hits…not as an appointed task every bloody day. Okay, rant over. Just finished reading Furiously Happy and enjoyed it immensely. I saw bits of myself and also saw that I am so well off I should be screaming with gratitude. I enjoyed the humor and recognized a lot of my own fears and coping mechanisms and opinion. Lovely that. I love a meeting of minds.
Dogs are not allowed in restaurants and my dog has separation anxiety and all those folks who say tough love don’t have to clean up the explosive diarrhea that happens when I apply said tough love. So, I can’t go to restaurants unless they have a patio and I can take dog in stroller and park it close. It is late September and so far this year I do not need a light box but need for alcohol has increased substantially. The patio of the restaurant closest to me will be taken up and put away soon so last chance to take neighbour to lunch and today is the day. Tomorrow I shall shop for dog food, veggies and booze…the fridge is absolutely filled with meat and already cooked meat meals that will last me a week. Then it will be time to refill crockpot.
Son got a notice from management of his condo saying the pest control people said his place was a health hazard and they said they were coming in to inspect. He called and told them to FA. I did some research….they are not allowed to tell you how to keep your apartment. If you are a hoarder and the place is a danger to other apartments they can get a legal form to come and deal with it but otherwise people who own their own homes can live as piggishly as they want to. My son deals with major anxiety and fear and every time the fire people or the bug people want to come into his home he suffers for days and days. This was another awfulness…heart breaks. I sent info….they have no right and he can stand fast.
Time for caesar salad and coffee with Bea. The relax and read Professionals zines.
An old colleague and I were having breakfast this morning when he looked up at the news (I can’t remember which network …MSNBC, I think) and noticed a split screen of Donald Trump and Hillary Clint…
Source: The Moron’s Case For Hillary Clinton…because some of you really are that stupid.
Today I met a pastor who had written a lovely little book about one of his parishioners. He gave me her WordPress address and I found it and began reading her blogs and found them fascinating but cannot for the life of me find a way to ‘Follow’ it. She has passed away and there will be no new entries. Does that mean one cannot follow or have her address on one’s personal follow list for easy access to the blog. Having just found it, there is a huge backlog for me to read and I am afraid of losing the address for entry next time I have time.