Compliments

I just realized something…like an epiphany.   I have always been uncomfortable with compliments (not that there have been an overwhelming number in my life) but I realized today that I do not believe them.  I totally discount when people pay compliments.  I judge myself.  I lost 68 pounds and when people congratulate me…I accept that as my due…they are not, after all, blind.  When they form a compliment…I accept it with reservations depending on how I view myself.  Reunion yesterday and showing off my new shape, it was nice that it was noticed because it was hard work.  However, no one noticed my new tattoo and it came to me that…if I point it out to someone they have to say nice things so the compliment is meaningless.  How can I believe the words since I actively solicited them and they have no choice but to say nice things.  In actual fact, aside from a moment at greeting and another at goodbye, I was the original invisible woman.  I sat mumchance practically the entire time listening to others.  Two of the ladies close to me spent a solid hour discussing golf…I had no input.  Several of the woman are teachers and the conversations concerned school buses and children riding same…I had no input.   It was not as if I did not look for openings to put my two cents worth in but I have no grand children, I do not golf, I am not still working/teaching, my husband is not dead, I do not travel and spend six months of the year at a timeshare, I have never been to the named stores in Florida and it has been twenty years since I have been on a cruise anywhere let alone Alaska.  So I sat and listened and ate.  When it came time for them to take photos, again I ended up at the back and disappeared behind someone wearing a big hat.   On the other hand, the weather was great, the people looked fantastic considering our age and none of us are in assisted living yet.  It was great to be back in the old neighbourhood.  If I had money I would like to rent a place in the area for a summer just to wander all the streets of my youth, go into all the stores and restaurants and boutiques on Queen Street, walk the beach, enjoy the plethora of old growth trees.  The area has grown trendy and very densely populated.  The cute stores and touristy attractions make the influx of summer visitors a nightmare for long term residents.  The cost of the housing is unreal and there are just too many people and, I imagine, a lot of frustration with traffic and parking and crowds.  We lived there in the best years during the 50s.   You can never really go home again but I would like to visit for a short while…alone to savour what is left of the area that I still remember so well.   It was a long drive made longer by a detour further east to pick up a relative but the view from the passenger window was great.  Drivers miss a lot.  Fasting today to make up for pig out yesterday…I think I will take a nap to kill time.

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