I joined Goodreads.  Amazon is asking for reviews of books I have bought and read.  Problem…I am having trouble reading.  All of a sudden I cannot trust my judgement of books.  I am not good at reviewing anything anyway.  I am a very uncritical reader.   If I am rating a book I usually give a good rating if the book held me and I enjoyed it.  I am not picky about the writing itself.    I cannot even say that the books that I know I will not reread are badly written.  My feeling is generally that that particular book and I didn’t click and move on.   I am currently going through a funny spell of reader’s block.  I honestly cannot remember this ever happening to me before and I am talking about the last ten years of having the leisure to do nothing but read…my goal in life reached.   I could attribute it to too much social media and photos of kittens or my huge pile of cosies that I have purchased.  I got into reading cosies a year or more ago when I got my Kindle and found myself collecting series by authors.  Then I let it get away from me.  I went off to reread my Jim Butcher..Dresden, then my Laurel K. Hamilton.. Anita Blake with a run through my Harry Potter and then wandered through other books in my library and when I came back it was difficult to get myself in the mindset for cosies.  I struggled to finish each one, rather than race my way through unwilling to put it down.   I found myself vacuuming in order to avoid reading.  Last night I finally got caught up in the story and read till the end…late into the evening and felt eager to start the next book in the series so I was pleased and felt hope that my dry spell was over.   Went on FicFact to see what books are coming up and to mark off two that had been pre-ordered that arrived and then to Goodreads because FicFact was missing two authors I collect who have books coming soon.   I also wanted to mark off the book I finished as read and the site asked for a rating and I found myself rating the book low.  I went back later and marked it higher out of guilt because I am not sure it was the fault of the book or with me.  Better to be kind to the author and assume the problem is my perception and difficulty.    I am feeling about books on my ‘to be read list’ like I feel about my huge collection of fan fiction.  The only difference is…I have read 90% of my fan fiction collection and all of my zines and want to reread them all but the interest has waned in all three of my fandoms to the point that I worry I will never get back the love and interest.  My concern is my age.   I always worried about losing my eyesight in old age and not being able to read.   Is my lack of focus on what I am reading a function of my increasing age…am I losing my ability to read?   Flailing around in a panic here at the very thought.  Without reading, my life is not worth living….what would I do with myself?

Speaking of fandoms….I wonder if this happened to anyone else….one finds a fandom and becomes obsessed.  You watch the show episodes over and over and over.  You write small bits of fan fiction, you read thousands of stories, you buy the action figures and any other memorabilia you can get your hands on.  You plaster your world with pictures. You travel to cons and come home loaded with fan stuff.  The zines stack up and start taking over the rooms.  In my case, I became the Canadian Library for Starsky & Hutch and I spent a fortune and half a lifetime in the photocopy store copying stories to be mailed out and then spent as much time running back and forth to the post office.   Money and time…I poured into my interest in that fandom.  I did the same, except for the library business, in X-Files and The Professionals.  When the obsession passed I looked at all the collected fandom stuff and wondered would I ever be interested again.  It all represents a great deal of money, if I reread everything at least once more I might feel I hadn’t quite wasted too much substance.   Without knowing if the interest will ever return I cannot bring myself to give it all away.  I keep telling myself to learn how to use ebay and sell the zines (over 1000 of them and some very rare) but then when I think how I would feel (it always happens) if my interest revived after the zines were gone.  I cannot tell you how many times in my life I found myself buying a book a second time because I desperately wanted to reread it and I had given it away.  Inertia then grabs me and I think…I am not ready so why bother with learning ebay and paypal right now and the status quo remains.